xyyaaa高考作文(編輯修改稿)

　

【文章內(nèi)容簡介】 essure from peers and parents has made us almost out of breath. Then we need some activities to relieve our heavy burden.Furthermore, it must be a good chance to see the beauty of nature. We have little time now to enjoy ourselves in nice weather. It is high time to admire the charming autumn.In conclusion, the outing improves our studies in a way as it makes us relaxed. Obviously, learning is more than just listening to the knowledge in class. As a result, going to the countryside is what we eagerly need right now!批改老師Lilaoshi評分99分級別優(yōu)秀評語修改： tense the study in senior 3 is that...,應(yīng)該為：So tense is the study in senior3 that...,倒裝句型。 is such an agreeable proposal that I will never refute. 改為：should。虛擬語氣。句型：It is a proposal that....。 propose that...；It is/was proposed that +主語+(should)+do/ be done is high time to admire...,也可接受，最好改為：It is high time for us to admire...或It is high time that we admired....虛擬語氣。亮點(diǎn)：1. It is a long time since.... monitor suggested we go...，虛擬語氣。 well as... 4. such an. ...that.... a hard period of time our heavy burden than...不僅僅是... we eagerly need begin with, Furthermore, In conclusion,obviously, as a result,點(diǎn)評：論點(diǎn)鮮明，論據(jù)充分，結(jié)構(gòu)合理。文中使用了很多復(fù)雜句型和高級詞匯。尤其是過渡詞的巧妙使用，讓文章增色不少！A deep memory in my mind高一（16）班 第9組：楊禮嘉，門學(xué)敏，劉穎，周賽男，李宏偉，何攀I’m so happy that I will have a twoday holiday soon. When I’m considering where I can to, a thing which happened one year ago es into my mind.I remembered clearly that it was a hot day. I stayed home and felt bored. Suddenly a bad idea struck me, so I called up my best friend and told her we would meet at the gate of the school at 8:30 the next day. But I broke my promise。 I only wanted to play a joke on her! To my surprise, she was waiting there for a few hours the following day. Later she called back and said angrily that I wasn’t loyal to friends. At the beginning, I couldn’t understand what she meant. As the time went by, I realized that I was wrong. I could imagine how I could feel if someone treated me like that. I should imagine myself to be in her place.Though it was a little thing, it taught me a good lesson! From then on, I learnt how to deal with friends sincerely. I will never forget the day when I hurt my best friend deeply. That’s why I must seize the chance of the holiday to visit her. At the same time, I hope that we can get on well with each other like before.批改老師Lilaoshi評分98分級別優(yōu)秀評語點(diǎn)評；一件往事給作者留下了遺憾，也留下了深深的回憶，作者用心去寫，感情豐富，行文流暢。修改：1. when I’m considering where I can to,改為go thing which happened one year ago e into my 亮點(diǎn)：have a twoday holiday e into one’s mind a bad idea struck me break one’s promise to my surprise be loyal to sb as the time went by imagine oneself to be teach sb a good lesson seize the chance to do sthMother’s love竹山一中高一（16）班，第8組：陳洪，李穎穎，黃志華，萬偉偉，楊辰，程楠There is a person who is very important in our life, who is that person? She is our mother.The other day, our school invited a famous man, a young speaker called Yang Qingsong, who gave us a speech on Mother’s love. I still remember the scene where many students were impressed by his words and a number of students were listening carefully with tears down their faces. I was also strict by his wonderful speech, which reminded me of my childhood. As a child, when I felt down, it seemed that the world was dark and empty. Then it was my mother who cheered me up and made the world suddenly bright and colorful。 when I lost my way, my mother held my hand and told me that everything was going to be Ok. Because of her, I am always feeling happy and confident!I owe my thanks for my mother, Not only does she give me the greatest love in the world, but she also leads me down the road to success!批改老師Lilaoshi評分99分級別優(yōu)秀評語點(diǎn)評：母愛是世界上最偉大的愛，作者情真意切，根據(jù)演講回憶起小時(shí)候兩件事；當(dāng)我情緒低落時(shí)，是母親鼓勵(lì)著我；當(dāng)我迷路時(shí)，是母親拉著我的手安慰我，最后作者說，我要感激母親，他不僅給予我愛，而且是她引導(dǎo)著我走向成功！無論從布局謀篇，還是從遣詞造句方面看，本文都稱得上是一篇佳作，望大家欣賞！修改：I was also strict by his wonderful speech,改為struck亮點(diǎn)：give sb a speech on… I still remember the scene where… be impressed by… a member of… with tears down their faces. be starch by… remind sb of… feel down. It seemed that… cheer sb up 1owe my thanks for… 1not only does she give me… （倒裝句型）16